How to Set Boundaries at Work Without Guilt: A Guide for Returning Parents

It's 2:55 pm. You're gathering your things to leave for pickup when your manager stops by and says, "Can you just finish this one thing?" You can't. You have to leave. So why does it feel like you're doing something wrong?

This happens almost every day as you're about to leave the office. You have somewhere very important to be: you have to pick up your child. There is no option to stay a bit longer, as you were able to do before children. You have no choice but to leave on time.

You're pulled in several directions and feel a strong conflict. You want to be seen as a great employee, someone who works hard, is committed and focused. You're feeling anxious about being thought of as someone who doesn't care enough.

It takes a shift in mindset to understand that setting boundaries doesn't mean you are less focused on your career. Boundaries are about working smarter, good forward planning, and clearly communicating your priorities.

This post discusses how important it is to set boundaries, how to do it with intention and what to focus on.

What Are Boundaries

Boundaries ARE:

• Clear, intentional limits and rules clarifying how you work

• Individualised systems designed to strategically manage your resources

• A sign of self-awareness and professionalism

• Cornerstones of sustainable high performance

  
  

Boundaries are NOT a sign of:

• Lack of commitment

• Being selfish

• Unprofessionalism

• Not being serious about your career.

  
  

The Guilt Working Parents Feel

Working parents have more on their plates than ever before. In addition to the hands-on parenting workload, which has significantly increased in comparison to previous generations, they also have to navigate childcare logistics, school pickups, more frequent sick days and a significantly increased mental load.

You might feel that you need to prove your worth through availability and flexibility, which you no longer have. You feel guilt and fear that your career will now stall.

Parents often deal with loss of confidence and increased feelings of guilt after returning to the workforce. These thoughts are often part of the significant transition you are going through, and they're making it harder to set clear boundaries that support good mental health and sustained high performance.

In reality, good boundaries improve performance. Working parents with clear boundaries report higher productivity and greater job satisfaction than those without them. Most importantly, boundaries prevent burnout. From an employer's perspective, working within agreed boundaries also improves engagement and employee retention. Once properly set and embedded, boundaries are a win-win for both sides.

You cannot perform well when you're exhausted, anxious or feeling guilty. Boundaries protect not just you and your family. Boundaries also protect your work quality and your relationships with your team.

Practical Tips For Setting Boundaries

A lot of thought should go into deciding what your boundaries look like. It is never too late to set them, and they should be reviewed if your situation significantly changes. You should think the boundaries through well before intitiating a conversation with your manager.

Once you put your boundaries in place:

How to Communicate Your Boundaries

• Make sure you are as clear and obvious as possible. If your boundaries are related to time available in the office, make them clear within your calendar or even your email signature, if that fits with your workplace culture.

• You do not need to apologise for having boundaries.

• You don't need to over-explain.

• Be consistent. Frequently changing boundaries or breaking them creates confusion with your team. Pause before saying yes and briefly assess the request against your boundaries. Once practised for a while, this will become second nature.

  
  

Responding When Your Boundaries Are Tested

When someone tries to overstep your boundaries, offer alternatives to solve the issue rather than just saying no, but stay within your agreed structure.

For leaving on time: "I finish at 3 pm for childcare pickup, but I can prepare written comments before I leave" or "I'm happy to discuss this first thing tomorrow morning."

For after-work events: "I can't make it tonight, but I'd love to have lunch together this week to catch up."

For unexpected urgent tasks: "I can work on this as soon as I start tomorrow morning, or suggest my colleague X might be able to help you today."

For emails after hours: "I don't check emails after 3 pm, but you can contact my colleague X, who is available until 5 pm, for urgent matters. Otherwise, I'll respond first thing tomorrow at 8 am."

These examples show you care about the work and the team, while being clear about your limits.

The Business Case: Why Your Boundaries Actually Help Your Employer

If you are concerned about your employer's reaction to your request for flexibility or clear boundaries, it is best to focus on performance and what you need to perform at your best. From an employer's perspective, agreeing to an employee's flexibility within what is practicable for the business is not about being soft or nice to your team. It is about business efficiency and sustainable performance.

• People with clear boundaries can better focus during work hours, leading to increased individual performance, creativity and innovation

• Flexibility and clear boundaries result in better mental health

• Boundaries support better resource management and improve team performance

• Sustainable work patterns reduce turnover (replacing you costs money)

• Role modelling healthy boundaries creates a better workplace culture

• Flexibility and boundaries attract and retain talent (especially skilled professionals returning from leave).

  
  

  

Boundaries Get Easier

Deciding that you want to set boundaries is the hardest part. After that, momentum builds.

Your manager probably won't react the way you fear. Your team likely already understands your need for a clear schedule, even if it's unspoken. Once you set one boundary confidently, the next one becomes easier. Over time, this becomes your normal, not something you have to think about.

You might be surprised at how easily your boundaries fit into existing structures. Most teams already work around these constraints; you're just making them official.

Next Steps: Building Your Boundaries

Start with one boundary. Not five. Just one.

Identify your non-negotiable boundary. For many returning parents, this is being available only within their core working hours. For others, it's protecting weekends or evenings. Choose what matters most right now.

Get clear on why it matters because it protects your energy, your mental health, your ability to perform well, and your time with your family.

Write down your boundaries.

Communicate it clearly to your manager and team. Use the examples above. Be straightforward, not apologetic.

Be consistent. This is where most people stumble, but consistency builds trust. When your team knows you leave at 3 pm every day, they plan around it.

Notice the response. You will likely be surprised by how easily your new boundaries fit into existing structures.

You can be both a great parent and a great employee at the same time. Having clear boundaries is one of the steps that supports both parts of who you are as an individual.

Support with Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries sounds easier than what it actually is in reality. Many people need support to set them clearly and confidently. Fear of how they will be received, guilt and self-doubt make it much harder to communicate your boundaries to your employer or to be clear about them with your team.

Boundaries are not universal for everyone. They are specific to various roles, workplace cultures and individuals. It might be hard to understand why setting boundaries is so personally challenging for you. You might intellectually know they're important, you might even have the words to explain them, but something stops you from actually doing it. That's where coaching comes in.

You might need someone to support you through building confidence, clarifying your strengths and values and deciding what boundaries will work best for you.

What is the one boundary you need to set right now? Not next month, not when things settle down.

Right now.

That's where you start.

Coaching Can Help

Coaching helps you work through the obstacles that get in the way. It helps you clarify your values, address changed levels of confidence, and understand why boundaries feel so difficult for you personally.

Building genuine confidence that you deserve boundaries and that setting them won't derail your career is often hard work when worked on without support. That's exactly what coaching is for.

If you'd like support identifying your boundaries and communicating them confidently, let's talk. Book a free 20-minute consultation where we can explore what's holding you back and what becomes possible when you have support.

Most of us know, intellectually, that boundaries are important. We understand the logic. We might even have the words to say. Yet something stops us from actually doing it.

We often feel fear that we'll be judged. Fear that our career will suffer. Fear that we're not deserving of boundaries or that asking for them makes us less committed. Coaching helps you work through these obstacles.

It's not about learning more frameworks or practising lines in the mirror. It's about building genuine confidence that you deserve boundaries, that setting them is a sign of strength (not weakness), and that your career can thrive within clear limits.

If setting boundaries feels harder than it should, coaching can help. I look forward to having a conversation about what's getting in your way.

BOOK A FREE 20 MINUTE CONSULTATION, and let's explore what becomes possible when you have the right support.

About Tereza Tutko

Tereza Tutko is a strengths-based coach in Christchurch, New Zealand, specialising in supporting working parents, professionals navigating career transitions, and individuals seeking personal growth. With a Master's degree in Psychology and over a decade of HR leadership experience, Tereza brings both scientific understanding and lived experience to her coaching practice.